Boredom Induced Thoughts (Read if you dare)

I find myself in a very complex state of mine. Does my opinion matter, who knows, fuck who cares? I made it this far but is anybody really following me? The question still remains am I a filmmaker, sure I’ve manage to produce a couple of shorts but they haven’t been worthy of any noble recognitions. On top of that I’m not really part of any social groups. I got ideas, plenty of them but are they worth anything?

Maybe it’s just me; maybe there’s that part of me that want to be part of that majority. Majority what? Audience. I suppose that’s it. Then again why shouldn’t it be? Isn’t that why we get into this in the first place? Someone once said build an audience but what exactly are we trying to build here?

It’s all about voicing ones opinion, fuck building an audience. Yes, I know, it’s a little bit of both. Your ideas have to be interesting enough to hold an audience. Shit who wants to sit through something they find rather duh.

But what works and what doesn’t, that’s the real question here. Currently I entered this contest. It’s divided into three sections, actors, actresses, and directors. The directors have to choose from three different scenes and must produce one. Well as it turns out most directors think alike because so far there have been six of us producing the same scene. Which you can check it out here; http://www.grouper.com/video/MediaDetails.aspx?id=1676699&ml=fi%3d%26fu%3d1714726& and the competition is going on here http://www.livemansion.com Hey I’m just trying to be fair. So far the most glamorous have ranked up the most points. I get it but is that really what my shorts are missing? I’m more of a story telling filmmaker, or maybe that’s just it? The stories aren’t good enough.

I live by the model “Do what you can, with what you got.” And maybe that’s it. This model can’t be applied to my material, but it must. If I had the toys my material could be ten times better. Boy do the toys make a difference. Simplicity in its simplest form can’t be as complex as I wished it be. The most simplistic thing I wish I could get rid of is the look. That image being captured with my mini dv camcorder. That look alone would make the feel of the film better, not so much better but more convincing perhaps or maybe I’m just being to hard on myself. Oh well. Whatever look, feel, it has it might just mean one thing. What I represent, what I am.

Which really means that I am, might just be, part of this Indie scene? Who knows and really who seems to care. See there I’m back where I started. Hey like I wrote at the beginning of this, sometimes you just have to question your own judgment. I don’t know where I’m heading but this path I’m on keeps getting interesting by the minute. We all get to a point where we question ourselves and just want an immediate response but it doesn’t work like that, not in this business, profession, artist expression. You gotta have two things, one, a shit load of patience and two, a stack of good ideas. I got ideas, plenty of them, but patience? I guess I’m just gonna keep doing what I’m doing till I get it right. Heck its’ got me this far, whatever that means.

Confessions

What's the deal with them? A man and or woman show up at church and confess their sins, only to turn around and go out and commit more sins.

If you ask me confessions should be a great way to catch one at a lie. Set up an appointment, that's another thing, it should be by appointment only. Why does the priest have to deal with such and such longer then the common man? "Sorry Bob, your time is up, see you next week you sinful bastard."

Anyway the priest should have Bob's love ones listening in on the whole thing, wouldn't that make it a bit interesting, at least I think so. "Father I cheated on my wife last week with the service." "Well gees Bob what's a matter with Barbara, speaking of which, Barbara did you hear that."

Life is Peachy

Does that term even make sense? What exactly is peachy about it? I know I love peaches but to say life is peachy, hmmm. What type of assumption is that? Why can’t life be like a nice pear or an apple? At least we get the apple metaphor. It all started with one sweet bite and the rest is bible history. Well then life is applelicious because we all know how delicious life got after such a tempting bite.

Alone

Are we really alone? I sometime sit and wonder about this. All this space for just us earthlings. I think about all the light years away or speeds of light a higher plain of existence must travel to get to our puny planet. Perhaps they’re not higher then us but still this world is full of anger and pain and maybe that’s one of the main reasons they choose to stay away. They, who ever they are. I can’t even imagine them looking down at us and thinking boy them human sure know how to abuse each other.

Alone, we will continue being alone till, till peace perhaps. Alone makes us vulnerable, makes us weak. We hate the idea of dying alone or being alone, but alone is something a bunch of us believe we are. Oh well, who knows.