Unleashed, I Am

The thing about falling is knowing that once you let go, all bets are off!!!

I have always been a fighter; I have always known when to say when. I have always been my own man. But for the first time I feel like I can live for someone else. Someone worth living for? My life has finally found some meaning. I have always been a dream chaser and at best achieved what some may thing is unachievable but for me it has always been more then that. More then the simplicity of achieving the small but yet important goals?

I Feel Torn

I have accomplished so much but yet I feel unaccomplished and incomplete in a lot of ways. SO much left to do? So much left to feel? SO much left to understand? I feel like I've reached a milestone but still there's a lot left to do, a lot left to experience?

Unleashed!!!

My world has always been about "Stand As One" and As One I have always stood or been able to carry my own weight. I've carried the fact that I know where I stand and exactly where I'm heading. Although I must admit along the way I have met a few people willing to stand with me, giving the words STAND AS ONE a whole new meaning but still the burden of standing as one is still one for me to carry.

Whatever lies around the corner I must say it feels unknown? For the first time in my life I feel like I don't know, uncertain? Unleashed I am!!! I'm standing exactly where I need to be however where exactly is "this place" is what I'm trying to make sense of? Whatever, whoever, whenever? All that lies ahead now is the curiosity and wonder of the endless possibilities. God am I ready, not really but like anything else that I do. I move forward into the unknown cause that's who I am!

I'm not afraid to take a stand,
everybody come take my hand.
We'll walk this world together,
through the storm whatever weather,
cold or warm.
Just let you know that,
you're not alone.
Holla if you feel that you've
been down the same road.

Eminem

MMJoe Out

Imported Affairs

Well what a difference a few months make. I must say a lot of things are happening right now. Currently I have been working on my first feature. It's been really interesting and quite the headache. The interesting part is the two leads. I don't think they have the slightest clue how serious this production is to me. The fact in the matter is that certain things happen cause they were meant to happen that way. I try not to read into things anymore but its just been interesting to say the least.

The good thing I can say about myself is that I can be persistent but having a good cast, aside from the leads, is a bit helpful. I have manage to stay productive. I don't know it seems sometimes I feel like this film will not get done but sometimes I feel the total opposite. Only time will truly tell me if the effort was worth it. Although I must confess that I feel, actually I know, that God is truly on my side. I know that regardless of whatever reason everything will work itself out in the end. I'm truly looking forward to seeing the outcome of this. Ah, it's only going to get even more interesting.

J. Saenz

The Time Has Come

I've been chasing dreams for a bit over 4 years now. And can honestly say I've given it my all, committed to the idea but now reality is slowly setting in. I need to get a job, I need to play catch up, and mostly I need to wake up. I'm not saying is over but maybe I'm just getting restless. I always believed that if you gave it your all, in the end you would get some sort of results. Not here, not me. Perhaps its Florida or perhaps its my body of work.

I'm just.... not sure how I feel right now. I have a few weeks left in me. I've run out of funds but not out of ideas. Part of me wants to leave in June, once my lease is up. The only thing that's holding me here are really my associates. I have a few friends but I can always make new ones.

I'm not sure what lies ahead but I am certain about finding my way out of my own sinking whole. I'll be turning 29 later this month. Maybe I'm just reflecting, maybe when it comes down to it. The bullshit talker is tired of bullshitting himself. I just need/want a break. A break that will change the outcome of things.

Like I said I'm not sure what lies ahead for this is uncertain. What I do know is? Maybe it's just time for me to grow up.

J. Saenz

MMJoe

Joe Sanchez

Is it Faith or Destiny

I find myself at a crossing point. My life hasn't made much sense since my departure or wishful thinking. Actually since our union back in late October. However I'm back on track now. I have to say. Back to doing what Joe does best, helping other filmmakers, artist, etc. I'm no longer holding on to false hopes or empty promises. Actually I didn't make any promises that particularly had to do with me. Most of the promises were primarily focusing on her. I know now that she wasn't my mate. My one and only. Only a stepping stone to getting back to the righteous path. Whatever that may be.

I read my horoscope yesterday and this is what it said:

“One often meets one’s destiny on the road taken to avoid it,” says a French proverb. Sometimes, in fact, you can’t even get properly aligned with your highest potential unless you try to escape it. Only by seeking an alternate route are you led into the circumstances that ultimately activate the fullness of your gifts. These mysteries will soon have personal meaning for you. Upcoming plot twists will lead you to where you didn’t even know you needed to go.

Which frankly means that this or that was meant to happen. Hence the phrase "Everything happens for a reason."

We meet some interesting people throughout out lifetime and some stay with us. While some we just forget. Some we change and some we regret ever knowing. I believe that it was "faith" that we met but it wasn't my "destiny".

Why We Failed

Life is about simple choices. Simple necessities, perhaps even about simple needs. For the last few days I've been trying to make sense of my "something else entirely" and that's pretty much what she was. Now I've spoken to several different men to make sense of her nonsense and it pretty much comes down to a simple choice. She was a taker and I was a giver. I gave, and gave, and gave till I finally decided I wanted something in return. The taker didn't see it this way. She had an idea, a plan. A road to success. A road that to me was taking too long. I grew impatient, I walked away. She understood, so I thought. I let her back in. She walked away again. Destiny intervene and she walked back in once more. Somehow this time it was the last time and we grew apart.

I believe we failed because we wanted different things for one. For two she wasn't exactly what I wanted. She was what I needed but not quite suited to make me happy. She did in the beginning but in time we just or I did not submit. I suppose that's the best way to describe it. I see my ex as a tumbleweed blowing through the wind. Unaware of where she's heading as she tumbles through life.

I can honestly say that I'm happy for her. It bothers me and it will continue to bother me that she's with someone else but at least he's someone more deserving. In the end she was making me hate her. I didn't understand why she was being the way she was. I figure now that it was mainly because she was unhappy with me. Which I understand because she was so used to getting her way that when I finally decided that I wasn't going to take it from the taker. She didn't understand why I wanted her to give back. She was very "needy".

There are many reasons why I think it all fell apart in the end. For one, I pushed her out of my life. For two, I was using her for sex. And finally, she just wasn't the one. Time and time and again I tried so hard to accommodate but somewhere in the back of my mind I wasn't happy with her. I did give her a lot of me and made her into the women that she is now but overall she wasn't suited for me. It's like trying to convince yourself that you belong to someone but you know in your heart that you really don't. Especially when a lot of bullshit is going on around you to make you aware of this.

My heart is in serious pain right now. I finally realize why you shouldn't meddle with things you do not know. Why some things change and mostly how God truly works. I'll take the best parts of the relationship. The beginning, the giving, the love, the involvement and the bound that at one point made us whole. Pieces of me remain with her and pieces of her remain with me. I finally came clean about her, about how I truly felt about her. She wasn't quite what I wanted. I'm not even sure why God figured I would be best suited for this rare situation, this moment in time that will live forever in memory.

Life is about choices, simple choices. Lesson learn, point made. Lets move on shall we?

Good Bye at Last

I finally lost my on and off again relationship. For the last 14 months I was involved in one of those bouncy relationships. She was very special to me, for you see she was my first. It's hard to describe how I truly felt about her. Now I knew I loved her but not as much as she did me. I can honestly say that. That's the funny thing about loving an older woman. She knew what she wanted but me, I had no clue. I thought I did but I was wrong. To experience someone like that, that devoted, that loving, well I just hope I find it again.

I knew when the relationship started to go sour. Heck I even road a story about it.



It's all there in black and white. Now a lot of my friends told me that I needed to let her go long before I ever did. I just couldn't live with the pain of knowing that I had failed her. In the end we did try but we just kept fighting. Part of the reason was because I had outgrown her. Slowly I had begun to let her go. I think however when she finally did. that's really when she found happiness once again.

She's with someone else now, someone more compatible. Someone more suited for her. Part of me would love to have her back but I know in my heart of hearts that we are done. I used to think I was the ying to her yang.

It's funny, this whole time I wanted her to be free, to be happy, to just be, because I just couldn't help her find that comfort zone anymore. I suppose once you loose it, you just can't get it back. Looking back at it now I have a few regrets and I made a couple of sacrifices but in the end it just came down to a five letter word. TRUST; we didn't have it. And without that you really can't have anything else.


October 4th 2006 - March 4th 2009 Thanks for the memories "D".

The X- Factor

Why is it that when you’re ready to move on, you really aren’t? Or is it the fact that maybe pieces of you still remain a part of that certain someone. It’s funny how love is or works. One moment you think you have everything but it’s not precisely it. The everything you been searching for. The funny thing about LOVE is you try to convince yourself that perhaps if you would have done something different, things would have works out. That’s just it.

Everything is about compromise but how much are you willing to give up to find mutual ground. Then there’s the whole “lets remain friends” scenario. This scenario works out to a great degree, especially with the whole “friends with benefits” type of thing. However if you’re not really this type of guy then emotions start to get thrown in the mix and then eventually, slowly but surely, things get back to "Why you broke up in the first place." Thus the truth remains you’re still in LOVE with this person but you know that nothing will ever make it work out again. Maybe you just outgrew each other or just got tired of one another.

The whole male and female thing is complicated. A lot of men can stay friends with their ex’s and even have friends that are females but a lot of those men also end up sleeping with them from time to time. Perhaps it’s just me being naïve but I always thought that one can remain friends with a female and just keep it strictly platonic. I think that’s just it, the X factor, the fact that she was the first to ever get too close, so close that we became more. As time progressed however things just fell apart. I sit here and wonder, sometimes, how did it all go wrong, a lot of it of course is my fault.

You see when you get involved with an older woman its all or nothing. You either give them everything that you are or you just aren’t giving enough. I just wanted something to call my own and that’s when the problems began. I know how the saying goes “You give a little, to get a little.” It’s vice versa. Things fall apart, something had to give. Perhaps one day I’ll be ready and willing to make that type of commitment or sacrifice. I was willing but not as much as I thought I was. LOVE is really confusing but in the game of love there really are no rules, especially when it comes to the X factor.

DEAD Pulse - Promo Video

Hello,

I'm actually currently producing a webseries and I already had my first conflict. I basically had to get rid of one of the lead actors. The debate was the promo that was cut for it. He pretty much told me I had no business cutting my own material and that I should hire someone else. I did see what he meant by the video being too blue but I thought his approach was a little to out of line. Below is the blue promo and below that is a link to a more "natural, easy on the eyes" promo that's found on my nextcat.com page.


DEAD Pulse - Promo Vid from Joe Sanchez on Vimeo.



AND PROMO 2

http://www.nextcat.com/mmjoe

My Art Work